You hear a lot of people say that it takes great courage to pursue what you love. In a lot of ways it sounds pretty funny – why do you have to be courageous to do something if you love it? Wouldn’t loving it make it easier? In some cases, no. Sometimes you can be so afraid to do what you love that you can spend years avoiding it. The fear can come from a million different sources – it’s all individually based, so there’s never one answer, just that feeling.
That fear is something that I’ve been struggling with for years. I used to love painting – I could spend hours upon hours painting in my room. No matter what I thought of my work, be it good or bad, I always, always had the intense need to get something out on canvas, paper, whatever. I’ve experimented with several different forms of self-expression in the past six years: creative writing, poetry, playing and writing music, dancing… but when it comes down to it, painting is the only way I feel like I can get all that is inside of me out. That having been said, I have been quite afraid of seriously pursuing it for many years – so much so that I gave it up about five years ago to get a university degree in another subject (those four years were quite brutal at times). A lot has changed in those five years – I have come to know myself quite a bit better, and this knowledge coupled with what I have gained through my experiences has led me tell myself that I can’t let this fear keep its stranglehold on me.
I took my first major step yesterday. Leaving late from work, I walked very quickly (in heels, no less) down to the Halifax waterfront, heading towards Pier 21 – the location of NSCAD’s School of Extended Studies. I got there 15 minutes before close, a little out of breath. As soon as I opened the doors of the building a familiar smell in the air overwhelmed me – the smell of paintings. I love this smell, absolutely love it. It reminds me of hours spent at the National Gallery in Ottawa, wandering through the many halls, mesmerized; of my time at the Ottawa School of Art… of the time spent alone in my bedroom, feverishly working to perfect whatever piece I was currently immersed in.
Remembering that I was on some serious time constraints, I quickly made my way to their office. A very friendly man greeted me and helped me to register for the one course I thought I would benefit from the most: “Intermediate Oil Painting: Figure” (and one of the only classes remaining for the Winter term) I made my way out of that building with a sense of calm I haven’t felt in a very long time. I walked along the harbour, breathing in the fresh air as the sun’s glow made its way through the lightly overcast sky. At that moment, I realized that home doesn’t always have to be a place, it can be a feeling.
My first class begins on the 31 and I can’t wait to post photographs of my projects.
P.S. I promise to write a new post on an artistic subject of some sort very shortly! I've got some ideas in the works based on the paintings of J.W. Waterhouse that I want to put down in writing, so look for a mini-essay to come soon!
P.S. I promise to write a new post on an artistic subject of some sort very shortly! I've got some ideas in the works based on the paintings of J.W. Waterhouse that I want to put down in writing, so look for a mini-essay to come soon!
