Catching Up

The weekend is almost over and I've been very, very uncreative lately - largely due to the fact that I've been knocked down with the flu this past week. No dance class, no painting class, just sitting around at home huddled under covers watching reruns of America's Next Top Model (yes, I know, but it's such good rubbish when you're sick!).

The weekend before I fell ill, I finally visited the Halifax Seaport Farmer's Market down by Pier 21. I had been told so much about it by people that I work with, I wanted to check it out for myself. I've never been a huge market and fresh foods nut - I used to know people in Ottawa who would swear by the vegetables in our downtown market ("meh" is what I had to say) - what I'm most interested in are all the little crafty things: jewelry, homemade candles, homespun wool, paintings, that sort of thing. I will say this: Halifax's market totally owns Ottawa's when it comes to what I like. I even didn't mind some of the food that was there - fresh Greek appetizers, Acadian meals, neat homemade chocolates - it was all very neat and very interesting!

While wandering around looking at stalls, I found one that sells the most AMAZING feather earrings - called Heather's Feathers. They had a gorgeous display of single earrings, double earrings, headpieces, and extensions - so awesome! I stared in awe for a good couple of minutes before I actually found a pair that I liked more than the others (which was really, really difficult). They're there every Saturday, so if you happen to be in the area, GO CHECK THEM OUT. The earrings are beautiful, classy, perfect for people who are into the tribal aesthetic but don't want to take it to the extreme. Just as I was about to leave, I overheard a woman ask where they found all their feathers, to which one of the girls responded "at a fishing supply store." I stored that awesome bit of knowledge in the back of my mind and moved on.

I now want to try and find feathers locally that I can use to make my own earrings. I know for sure that there are a multitude of places online where you can find them, but I would prefer to find them somewhere in town if at all possible. I've already hit one store on Agricola but didn't have the best of luck. I'm going to keep hunting around when I have the time, but for now I think I'll save up some money and buy from them. Hey, if I can't make it myself just yet I can at least support a local artist and their awesome creations!

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One day I will get around to posting an entry with all of the paintings that I have done so far for my figure painting class that I wrote about in my previous entry. There are about 4 sitting in my living room right now, with a fifth one waiting to be picked up at NSCAD. I have plans of doing some portraits in the next little while, I just have to get my lazy rump moving on them. I promise my next post will be about my paintings!

Fearing What You Love

You hear a lot of people say that it takes great courage to pursue what you love. In a lot of ways it sounds pretty funny – why do you have to be courageous to do something if you love it? Wouldn’t loving it make it easier? In some cases, no. Sometimes you can be so afraid to do what you love that you can spend years avoiding it. The fear can come from a million different sources – it’s all individually based, so there’s never one answer, just that feeling.

That fear is something that I’ve been struggling with for years. I used to love painting – I could spend hours upon hours painting in my room. No matter what I thought of my work, be it good or bad, I always, always had the intense need to get something out on canvas, paper, whatever. I’ve experimented with several different forms of self-expression in the past six years: creative writing, poetry, playing and writing music, dancing… but when it comes down to it, painting is the only way I feel like I can get all that is inside of me out. That having been said, I have been quite afraid of seriously pursuing it for many years – so much so that I gave it up about five years ago to get a university degree in another subject (those four years were quite brutal at times). A lot has changed in those five years – I have come to know myself quite a bit better, and this knowledge coupled with what I have gained through my experiences has led me tell myself that I can’t let this fear keep its stranglehold on me.

I took my first major step yesterday. Leaving late from work, I walked very quickly (in heels, no less) down to the Halifax waterfront, heading towards Pier 21 – the location of NSCAD’s School of Extended Studies. I got there 15 minutes before close, a little out of breath. As soon as I opened the doors of the building a familiar smell in the air overwhelmed me – the smell of paintings. I love this smell, absolutely love it. It reminds me of hours spent at the National Gallery in Ottawa, wandering through the many halls, mesmerized; of my time at the Ottawa School of Art… of the time spent alone in my bedroom, feverishly working to perfect whatever piece I was currently immersed in.

Remembering that I was on some serious time constraints, I quickly made my way to their office. A very friendly man greeted me and helped me to register for the one course I thought I would benefit from the most: “Intermediate Oil Painting: Figure” (and one of the only classes remaining for the Winter term) I made my way out of that building with a sense of calm I haven’t felt in a very long time. I walked along the harbour, breathing in the fresh air as the sun’s glow made its way through the lightly overcast sky. At that moment, I realized that home doesn’t always have to be a place, it can be a feeling.

My first class begins on the 31 and I can’t wait to post photographs of my projects. 


P.S. I promise to write a new post on an artistic subject of some sort very shortly! I've got some ideas in the works based on the paintings of J.W. Waterhouse that I want to put down in writing, so look for a mini-essay to come soon!

When I Grow Up...

I've been thinking quite a bit lately about where I've been, where I am, and where I would like to be, or wish I was. These past few months have been slightly inactive in terms of my fluidity of my creative juices - my dance practice has pathetically shriveled into a pale former shadow of itself, my rush of inspiration for my crafty projects has gone like the wind... I've just generally been tired, I suppose. It's winter - those winter months really do put a damper on things in some ways - but they do make you think. Maybe a little too much.

After much thought, I'd decided that when I grow up I want to be the offspring of Mardi Love and Dante Gabriel Rossetti. I want to embrace what inspires me, generate my own beauty, unleash it upon the world, and damn anyone else who might call it a hunk of crap. I want to embrace my own individuality, not try to smother it, and enjoy what I do.

I'm tired of trying so hard not to be myself, but at the same time tired of worrying about whether or not I'm being true to who I think I am. It's time to stop thinking and start listening... to myself.